Rumplestiltskin
The Miller was a foolish man.
One day, the King stopped by his land.
The Miller blurted out, I’m told,
“My child can spin straw into gold.”
The King, excited, in a whirl
Said, “Soldiers, go and seize the girl.”
He flung her in a dungeon dark
And said, “You’d better get to work.
“If you can’t do it, then you’re dead.
“Good night! I’m going off to bed.”
The poor girl sat and cried and cried,
Why had her nitwit father lied?
It wasn’t long till there appeared
A little man with flowing beard.
An ugly, dwarfish little beast
Just two feet nine, or ten at least.
He ordered, “Just give me your ring
And I will spin most anything!”
The girl did as the small man bade
And fifty golden spools were made.
And as he spun, the fellow spoke,
He entertained her, joke on joke.
The maiden uttered with a laugh,
“I’ve never had such fun, by half.”
Before the light of dawn, the dwarf
Bid his farewell and then cleared orff.
The eager king was most impressed
“I’d like to have you spin the rest,
“Or double this, or maybe more,
“Till gold is spilling out the door!”
*
A second night the maiden sank
Into the gloom, the dungeon dank.
A second time the gnome came in
To cheer her up and help her spin.
She gave her necklace: glass, a trinket.
He brought some beer for them to drink it.
The selfish King the next morn cried,
“I’m still not fully satisfied,
Dear maiden make me rich once more.
Come guards, bring in a ton of straw.”
She sobbed quite bitterly just then,
She’d nothing left to give her friend.
The elf appeared, “Oh mercy mild,
I’ll have to have your first-born child.”
He then sat down and spun the gold
While brave adventure tales he told.
The pair had such a lovely night
It seemed a shame when it got light.
Rumpy was a t’riffic guy -
Without him, she would surely die.
And since — three times — he saved her skin…
I think this time he ought to win!
*
So on the third day, early on,
The King pronounced, “My girl, you’ve won!
“You’ve brought me wealth. You’re pretty too.
“I suppose I’ll have to marry you.
“And if we’re ever flat-out broke,
“You’ll do that trick again, I hope,
“Locked in the dungeon with some straw -
“You’ll guarantee we’re never poor!”
“Now go and don your wedding gear,
“We’ll soon be wed, my golden dear.”
Once in the dressing room, she cried.
Again the midget soon arrived,
She bent right down to two feet high,
- The two could now see eye to eye -
The girl was in a weepy mess,
And through her tears she now confessed,
“I do not want to go back home,
“Dad’s dumber than a garden gnome.”
The maid continued, “And that king…
“The greedy pig is sickening!
“Oh can’t you spirit me away?
“Oh curse the King, Oh curse this day!”
“What shall I do, I cannot wed
“That great, big, greedy guzzlehead.
“But you — you’re kind. And funny too.
“I’d really rather marry you!”
The King heard voices, in he burst.
“Come quickly, men,” the cruel King cursed.
Rumpy turned his spells on King:
He vanished with a Fizzle Zing!
More magic words he softly spoke:
They vanished in a puff of smoke!
The guards rushed in but all they saw
Where King had been: a pile of straw.
All golden, yes a golden crop,
With nothing but a crown on top.
They shouted, “Zowee, this is great!
“No nasty king! Let’s celebrate!”
From thenceforth, in a fairy wood,
The couple lived, and life was good.
The maiden said, “So tell me now
What is your name? Since I’m your Frau.”
The pixie pranced around the fire,
He raised his voice up ever higher,
“Rumplestiltskin is my name
And helping people is my game,
And since you’ve gone and married me,
Frau Rumplestiltskin you shall be!”
Quite soon they had their first-born son,
All blond and gorgeous, like his mum.
Oh yes, he got her looks and height.
From father came the magic light.
They’d never want for food or stitches,
Magic brought them all their riches.
Which only goes to show, you’ll find,
That shorter men can be quite kind,
So when you go to choose your mate,
Avoid the foolish, greedy, great.
Choose short and ugly — who could care?
So long as he’s a millionaire!
